


lumberjack

by brandywine421



Category: Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-06-30 00:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19841989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: Post-canon, Matt recovers from a debilitating accident with the help of his support system and an emotional support dog.Self-indulgent recovery h/c and a puppy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Write a little every day. Okay. Go.
> 
> (I haven't seen the new Spider-Man. All backstory is vague and not tied to any canon or happenings.)

_and here you are living_  
_despite it all_

_\- rupi kaur_

"She's an inside dog," Spider-Man said, holding out a wicker basket filled with soft blankets and an equally soft dog.

He carefully reached into the basket and picked up the puppy - it was barely bigger than his hand and the hot tongue licked his fingers in an off-putting way. He wondered if he could train her out of that. He wondered if she would grow. "Are you sure it's not a cat? It's very small."

"She's a Yorkie, they're tiny - it's a terrier. It'll be about cat-sized when it's full-grown but - she'll be a great support dog. You don't need a guide dog, this is for cuddling, right?"

Maybe he should reconsider a cat if this licking was going to be a thing. "It's a puppy."

"She's already been through the basics and the trainer's coming tomorrow with your shrink and Karen."

Oh. He moved the dog to his sling and she settled into his chest with a wriggle of excitement. "You guys - really went all out."

Peter's heart skipped and he reached out to squeeze his shoulder. "Because we want you to get better."

"I'm better," Matt said automatically. He was, _comparatively_ , better, but he wasn't sure what definition his friends were using.

"Do you still want her?"

She smelled clean, freshly shampooed with natural products and she hadn't barked yet. Maybe she would be a quiet, well-behaved dog. Maybe she would distract him from the mess of his life. Maybe she would fill the empty space in his apartment. Maybe she would remind him that he was capable of caring for someone other than himself.

"Matt?"

"Come downstairs, we've been setting up for her all afternoon," Matt said, lowering the dog to the rooftop and waiting for Peter to go first. He limped slowly after his friend and tried to remember his promise to take it slow.

He tuned out Peter greeting Maggie and Lex in his living room and supported his steps with the railing instead of trusting his body. He had put it through a lot over the years and he'd earned the metal pins holding his hip and part of his shoulder in place. Temporary, they said. Temporary as in months, as in maybe a year - if he was lucky, they said - maybe a year.

"She's really pretty, Mr. Murdock," Lex chirped, dragging over the walker when he - finally - made it to the bottom step.

"I'll take your word for it, Kid. I'm good, maybe, follow me to the couch?" Matt waited for the kid to nod before resuming his trek.

He didn't know for sure how Maggie chose the orphans to bring over to help her but he knew Lex from one of Daredevil's rescues a few years back. Several of the kids she'd brought had been familiar.

His identity was more of an open secret than he ever intended but he wasn't allowed to think about it. Thinking about it meant spiraling and he was better now. Better.

"What's her name?" Matt asked when he caught his breath and leaned back against the couch. He sensed Maggie hovering to adjust his pillows but it had been a long day and there were boundaries after extended exposure.

"Mouse," Peter said and the creature yipped. He flinched and a wave of pain thrummed through his bones. "Sorry."

"I'll have to get used to it," Matt said. "Teach her when it's okay to make noise and when it's not."

His mother settled lightly on the couch beside him and took his hand. He squeezed her fingers. "Do you need anything right now?"

It was their routine. She asked him questions and he answered them. It had to be this way. "Water?"

She nodded and a moment later, a bottle was pressed into his hand. "Now, Peter, tell us more about Mouse."

He was prepared for her bark this time and his hands barely shook as he opened the bottle.

He was better. Every day, he was better.

* * *

Peter watched Matt and the new dog warily sniff each other after Sister Maggie left for the night. He was never sure if the woman's newfound need for motherhood was because she saw him almost die on TV like the rest of the city - or because they had been close before his accident.

 _Accident_. Damn, it was far from an accident - a mistake - absolutely, a sacrifice - definitely - but he couldn't call it an accident.

Spider-Man called the only backup he could trust after a tedious and trap-laced trial to prove his innocence and separate Peter Parker from the suit - and his backup took a hit meant for a superhuman.

Matt and Foggy saved Peter Parker and Daredevil almost died to save Spider-Man. Daredevil almost died saving the East Coast because the government was too busy trying to put everyone but the bad guys in jail for playing dress-up.

There was no hiding the fact that Peter's lawyer turned up in the hospital with Daredevil's injuries - there was no excuse to cover the sudden spike in Hell's Kitchen crime following his matching disappearance - and there was no other reason Matt Murdock would swallow a bottle of painkillers because he couldn't stop hearing the screams. Matt was Daredevil and Peter had broken him.

"You're thinking too hard. How was your Chem test?" Matt asked. Mouse had settled on his lap, curled into a tiny fuzzball on the blanket across his legs.

"Cake. How was your PT?"

"Frustrating. But my weight's up so please thank May again for her meal kits suggestion," Matt said.

Peter let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know if Matt's depression defaulted to starving himself but his tight circle of friends were definitely going to be sleeping a lot better tonight. Foggy knew the most about Matt's long-term 'issues' but the addition of an actual therapist complete with a battle plan was new for everyone.

"Do you want me to take her for a walk after dinner?" Peter offered.

"Yeah. There's a little sod pad on the roof that Foggy found on the internet and we're going to train her to go there when I can't take her out myself. I have doubts," Matt frowned.

"No, you have doubts? I don't believe it," Peter laughed when Matt flipped him off.


	2. Chapter 2

Foggy let himself into Matt's apartment with today's care package. Theo refused to stop accepting the 'get well soon' gifts people left at the butcher shop for Daredevil and the shrine didn't look like it was going to go away any time soon.

He was lucky he'd been able to keep his parents from flying home from Florida after the shit hit the proverbial fan. He would never be able to wash away the image of Daredevil - _Matt_ \- crumpling under the weight of that taxi - and he fucking hated taxis already.

He couldn't even blame Matt for suiting up, he'd been there when Peter called him - frantic and too young for this bullshit - he'd helped Daredevil get across town in his own car. Yeah, they took down the splinter cell of mutant scientists with Big Goals - _yeah_ , Peter's identity was secure - and _yeah_ , the bombs didn't go off and take out the harbors down the East Coast - but the cost was too high.

Matt didn't want medals, he never wanted recognition - he wanted peace for his little corner of the city - he wanted his home to be safe. Now Matt was barely mobile and for the first time since they'd met - he was incapable of hiding his pain.

Foggy was doing his best not to fall apart.

"Yip! Yip _yip_ _yip_ _yip_!"

He froze inside the apartment as a tiny rat-sized dog challenged him from the hallway.

"Mouse," Matt's gruff voice called from inside and the dog went silent, wagging its tail experimentally. "Hey, Fogs. Meet Mouse."

He assumed when the therapist suggested a therapy dog that it would be a retriever or collie of some kind - not a purse-sized decoration dog. "Hey. Mouse?"

"Yip!"

"Pete brought her over yesterday, he's still asleep," Matt said, snapping his fingers and calling the animal over to his new favorite spot on the corner of the couch closest to the open window.

Foggy put down his load so he could carefully hug Matt. It was part of the new routine and he had a rush of warmth from Matt's hands on his back returning the embrace. He wasn't dead, he wasn't in jail, he was safe and alive. "How was your first night with a pet?"

She was a beautiful little thing and Foggy took full advantage of her enthusiasm to give her pats and cuddles while Matt tilted his head and 'watched' them curiously.

"Not so bad. She slides around on the sheets but she woke me up when I started to dream."

Foggy wondered if it was too early for him to push that admission. "So?"

"She's good. Maggie likes her," Matt added. "Did you bring coffee?"

He winced but at least it was a familiar request. "Did your doc clear you for caffeine?"

"You're no fun."

Foggy squeezed his shoulder. "No coffee, just your daily delivery of gifts care of Theo."

Now Matt winced. "Still? How long - "

"Dude, they're taking up a donation to make it permanent - which we've made clear you do not want or appreciate - " Foggy started.

"They should donate it to - "

Foggy held up his hand. "I know, man, relax. We're all on the same page, but Theo's still going to pick up anything he thinks you'll want because he doesn't listen to me."

Matt inhaled sharply and Mouse perked up her ears, scampering over to scratch at his leg. "Sorry."

"Nope, try again," Foggy instructed. "No more bottling up your feelings until - "

"I hate this," Matt said. He helped the tiny dog onto the couch - seemed she was better at getting down than getting up.

"I know. Do we need to 'bigger picture' again?"

Matt drops his head back on the couch dramatically. "I'm walking without a cane, I'm eating 2400 calories a day and I - have a Mouse."

"Yip!"

"He's up ten pounds," Peter yawned, scratching his stomach as he wandered out of the bedroom. The cot was strategically placed to make sure the roof access and medicine cabinet were within view.

It had been Karen's idea to remove the doors - especially now that Matt was walking better.

He wanted to think the suicide attempt was linked to the pain meds absolutely required for his recovery - to the misfiring supersenses that took his hearing, or his smell and taste, in the cycle of surgeries - to the agonizing pain that he couldn't hide - but deep down, Foggy knew. Matt didn't know how to live without Daredevil.

"Ten pounds, that's - you are totally having coffee today," Foggy decided. Matt's face softened and his hands stilled on the dog's fur.

"Really?"

Foggy kissed the top of his head impulsively and darted away. "Ten pounds, buddy, that's a milestone."

* * *

  
Karen met Chad at the end of the block and they shared a laugh at their matching gift bags filled with puppy toys.

She liked the guy and he passed all of the background checks after offering his services to Matt's priest. A shrink didn't just offer free treatment no matter how much Hell's Kitchen loved Daredevil - but Chad's husband and daughter - eight years old this March - had been one of Matt's red suit rescues. They'd known his identity for years and never said a word.

"So, no news is good news?" Chad asked, holding the door open for her.

"Peter and Foggy both texted cute pictures so it's a code red for adorable - but no other problems reported," Karen answered.

She found Matt sitting on the couch with a box of stuffed animals, many dressed in Daredevil red. Theo must still be collecting things from the shrine.

"I think this is a pig." He held out a plush Pokemon for the dog's evaluation. The puppy sniffed and nibbled on its foot before dismissing it.

"Are we interrupting?" Karen smiled.

"Thought I'd give Mouse first dibs on the toys before Maggie takes them to the orphanage," Matt said. "Hey, Chad."

"I'll greet you after I say hello to the most important person in the room," Chad said flatly, confiscating the puppy for cuddles while Karen leaned down to hug him.

"Hey. Night go okay?" she asked softly.

Matt hummed into her neck. "Dog woke me up so I didn't have any bad dreams. Foggy seemed pleased."

"And you?" she pushed.

"I don't know yet. It's an adjustment. I'm adjusting. The trainer's coming later, right?"

"If Chad's still on board," Karen said, glancing at the distracted psychiatrist.

"I don't know how I'll be able to do the whole 'poop scoop' with one arm," Matt said quietly. "I've already got round-the-clock babysitting, I don't want to add an extra hassle."

"Not babysitting and not a hassle. Forget all that and just answer this - do you like her?" Karen redirected.

"She's very soft. Warm. I like her," he admitted. "But - "

"But nothing. Did you eat yet?"

Matt held up two fingers. "Twice. I had an apple before Foggy got here and then we had bagels with Pete."

He was tough and he would come out of this darkness better than he went in - Karen was going to make damned sure of it. "Water?"

"Three bottles because Foggy let me have coffee because he loves me," Matt said. He held out the Pokemon. "Is this a pig?"

"It's Jigglypuff," Chad answered.

Matt squeezed the toy. "So, yes?"

"Sort of. You're keeping that now," Karen laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, before I forget - anyone remember that game on the Price is Right where the little lumberjack guy danced up the mountain and if you overbid he fell off the mountain? 
> 
> BOOM - who wins at titles?
> 
> _(Answer - not me because titles are HARD.)_

"Last night was quiet," Matt said.

Chad didn't reply, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Honestly."

Chad hummed.

Matt sighed. "Fine. Peter closed the windows before we went to sleep and switched on the pink noise machine. It - I only heard the barfight that went down at Tommy's and a lady pepper-sprayed her husband when he got into her liquor cabinet. Mouse woke me up when I started to dream."

"Do you remember the dream?"

"Do I have to?"

Chad shifted. "You don't have to do anything, Matt."

He knew that but he gave it a good shot. "Father Lantom. I couldn't stop it - I woke up and remembered that I'll - never be able to - "

"Pause. Never's on the banned word list with 'sorry'," Chad reminded him.

Matt slowly unclenched his fists. "Right. But I'm supposed to be coming to terms with my new physical limitations so - I woke up _out of sorts_." Chad's pulse skipped. "What?"

"You've never phrased it like that before."

"Oh. Sure," he accepted. Use his words. "I knew I was home because of the sheets but I didn't recognize Peter's heartbeat right away and I - got tense and then the pain hit. Mouse was making these little noises and it brought me out of it before I went into full defense mode."

"You recognized the dog right away?" Chad clarified.

"I've never lived with a dog and she was in my space. She didn't bark, she just - whimpered and didn't stop until I touched her," Matt said. "I didn't get up, I didn't need to wake up Peter and - settling her down settled me down."

"Dude," Chad said softly. "That's great."

Matt took a deep breath. "Mouse was a good idea. I hope I can take care of her."

"Training wheels - you'll have time to get the hang of it."

He had to ask. "And you won't push the meds?"

"Meditation and prayer alone is not a treatment plan that's worked for you long-term, Matt. I'm still very concerned about your depression and self-care habits so it's staying on the table until you're a little further along. You're on the lowest dose - "

"I know, it's more of a placebo effect with the painkillers, but - I still feel dulled," Matt admitted.

Chad leaned forward. "Didn't we agree that's okay since you're trying to heal?"

That was _his_ main reason for agreeing but not his friends'. He nodded. "Sorry."

"Nope."

He inhaled. "Right. It's an even trade."

* * *

Peter clocked the stranger lurking at the bus stop without his Spidey-sense going off. Not a lot of people carried a bow and arrow and even fewer dared bring a weapon inside the unspoken borders.

Maybe that was why Hawkeye was stationed at the bus stop at the edge.

He dropped down, slightly proud at the man's jolt of surprise. "What are you doing here?"

Barton held up both his hands in a placating gesture that Peter didn't appreciate. "I come in peace, man."

At least he didn't call him 'kid'. He was way past doubting himself and was all in on doubting everyone else.

"I know your buddy turned down our offer on the Cradle and the Space healers - and I'm totally - "

"Fuck you," Peter interrupted. "What do you want?"

Barton held his gaze and finally lowered his hands. "A parley."

"We're not enemies. We just don't want your kind of help."

Barton nodded slowly and it was as condescending as his raised hands. "You're just normal dudes, I remember your speech but - "

"It's not about you or me, or the Avengers or SHIELD with a new name - it's about my friend and what he wants - and what's best for him. He's a vigilante, not a superhero and he knows full well what strings come with accepting *anything* from your kind."

"That's unfair," Barton said after a beat.

Peter wasn't losing this stare-down. "Those guys came to the courthouse expecting a fight with the Avengers and they got me instead. Daredevil found the main guy in the chaos - Daredevil distracted the foot soldiers so the civilians could evacuate - Daredevil got me the police radio to get the exits blocked -

"And Daredevil took the hit from that taxi without Spider-strength so he could cover your escape and protect your identity," Barton completed. "I saw the videos - all the angles and I'm an expert lip-reader. I swear that I'm not trying to mess with either of you."

Fuck this guy. "We're really busy trying to rebuild our lives under our born names."

"And I totally respect that," Barton said. "I had friends in that fight, people from my apartment complex - I swear I would've had your six if I'd been in the country, but since I didn't - I'd really like to thank you and the Devil face to face."

"I'll pass it along. Stay out of Hell's Kitchen and Queens and we'll stay out of Bed Stuy," Peter said, shooting a web and leaving Barton to catch a bus out of his perimeter.

Matt didn't need another 'thank you' - it wouldn't get the metal pinned in his bones out any sooner - but he did need someone to take Mouse for a walk.

Peter needed to swing away his nerves and webbed up three muggers before he landed on Matt's roof.

He was quiet and hoped his heartbeat was steady enough not to trigger any alarms but he was relieved to find Matt asleep with his hands still on open pages. Karen waved him over to the kitchen.

"Where's Mouse?" he whispered but he saw the small dog raise her head from the couch, settled by her patient. "Good dog."

"Trainer said she needs to spend most of her time with Matt so we have to be sparse with our cuddle time for a while," Karen explained, looking at Mouse wistfully. "How are you?"

"Good, ready to get a shower and commandeer Matt's Netflix for a few hours if he's actually sleeping," Peter admitted. He wasn't going to mention Barton's appearance to anyone but Matt or Foggy no matter how much they trusted their friends.

"When's your aunt getting back?" she asked.

"Next week and I'll be stuck getting helicopter-parented for a few days," Peter said.

Karen patted his arm. "Sic her on Matt, I bet she could give Sister Maggie a run for her money on hovering."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments and kudos - different computer so I can't make little hearts but <3 <3 <3


	4. Chapter 4

"Matthew has expressed interest in attending church on Wednesday," Sister Maggie said, taking a seat across from Karen's desk while Foggy prepared her coffee nearby.

He didn't know if he'd ever be comfortable with Sister Maggie Murdock after losing it at her after the hospital. He'd never allow her to be next of kin after the years Matt had gone without her. Foggy was next of kin and held medical power of attorney and she could pry it from his cold dead hands - Jesus and Mary be damned.

To her credit, or Jesus and Mary's maybe, she consulted him directly instead of telling Matt what had gone down between them.

"Is that a good idea?" Karen asked, surprised.

Maggie shrugged. "He wants to reestablish his routine. Wednesdays - before - we would have an early dinner and attend mass. If the weather's nice, we visit Jack's grave."

Foggy didn't know that. "Routine's good and that's - starting small."

Maggie hesitated. "He wants to have dinner at your brother's shop - so not small."

Karen whistled. "The shrine's over there."

"I think he wants to send Mouse to destroy it - or collect more Pokemon. Peter's convinced him that he has to catch them all or some nonsense," Maggie muttered.

"Please be joking," Foggy said and she let a small Matt-like smile turn up her lips.

"Chad is encouraging, but honestly, I hoped his support dog would double as a guard dog and Mouse is not as intimidating as I expected," Maggie said finally.

Karen sighed. "Yeah, Peter really changed the game giving him a tiny dog - "

"And he loves her too much to suggest a trade in," Foggy said.

"Perhaps it's time you relax his visitation rules," Maggie said.

So that's what this was about. "People still coming by the church?"

"Persistently," she replied dryly. "I'm not saying give out his address to everyone, but maybe give those that already know it permission to visit. It might hurt their feelings to see him out and about without warning."

He shared a glance with Karen to judge if he should react to her passive-aggressive shaming,

"Did you bring that up with him?" Foggy asked.

She accepted the coffee, black like Matt's preferred, and didn't flinch at the taste. "It's someone's thirtieth birthday and he asked for his phone to send a card. Or a box of wine, it's not my business."

Foggy scrubbed a hand over his face. "Marci's going to kill him."

"How'd you get stuck delivering his messages?" Karen asked pointedly.

Maggie crossed her arms and sighed. "I distracted Mouse during training and Chad told me to take a walk."

"She's really hard **not** to distract," Karen sympathized.

"I'll never admit it in his earshot but maybe one of his unemployed friends could join us for dinner for security purposes," Maggie said.

"You just want Frank to stop hovering at church," Karen replied.

"I was thinking more of Ms. Jones since she's made it her mission to teach the children the worst language possible. Frank is very polite, Ms. Jones is very not."

Foggy took a deep breath. "He can have his phone back and I'll stop checking his messages."

Karen glared at him. "Seriously? You took it that far?"

Foggy had zero regrets. "He lost all phone rights when he tried to get someone to break him out of the hospital after they pumped his stomach. He couldn't use it to call someone for help but he'll whip it out to ask for an escape." He took another breath. "But he's better now."

"Agreed," Maggie nodded.

* * *

Karen liked Peter but she also liked the effect Spider-Man had on Matt. She hated what his short time as a superhero had netted him before he even hit legal age; but he was so genuinely good-hearted that she wanted all the best things for him.

Peter was a darling only child and Matt was a bitter orphan but they'd fallen into a little brother/big brother dynamic like they were separated at birth. Peter badgered him with questions and Matt taunted him mercilessly but they had a bond that made Foggy and May Parker double take at least once every time they saw it in person.

She wasn't surprised the kid stuck around after Matt had his 'incident' with the pills, but somewhere between the trial and the taxi; the two men had decided to get their mutual daytime lives in order and Peter was making sure Matt followed through. If Matt insisted on making him fill out endless scholarship applications to avoid a lifetime of student loan debt then Peter would make sure Matt was healthy enough to be at his graduation.

Matt wasn't used to having someone looking up to him and Peter wasn't used to having a role model that was an unapologetic fuck-up. Sure, Tony Stark had taught him to be a hero but Matt Murdock could teach him how to get out of a trespassing charge.

But she didn't know how Peter would react to Matt in his natural asshole habitat.

Jessica and Luke turned up first, followed shortly by Claire and Danny and Karen almost panicked at the thought that the quiet visitation would turn into a party.

A pity party, maybe, but everyone tempered their hugs and Danny only cried a little and Matt let Jessica hold Mouse for an entire five minutes before she had to tap out and stalk around on the roof for a while.

They were bantering, almost like friends, when Peter tiptoed down from the roof. He narrowed his mask's eyes at her, curious.

"Foggy lifted the visitor ban," Karen said. She didn't have to tell him that he would be safe taking off his mask because Matt was already waving him over for introductions. She took advantage of the distraction to take Mouse out for her last walk of the night.

A quick update to Foggy, a few snapchat photos of Mouse and she was done for the night. It was less like suicide watch and more like hanging out with her friend but it wasn't like hanging out with her ex or her boss again yet so they had a way to go.

"I know it's a small world and everything, but it's a big city," Peter was saying when she returned. "It's all about perception."

"Dude, you're spending way too much time with Matt if you're using the big words," Danny joked.

Matt swatted Peter's hair. "Kid's a genius, he would probably end up saving the world without needing superpowers."

"Can I just say, I'm never complaining about getting mine in a car accident now that I know spider bites are an actual thing," Jessica said, raising her cup of coffee.

Matt laughed and Karen smiled with warmth. She'd never be able to help Daredevil fight crime hands-on, but she thought she was finally getting the hang of how to be Matt Murdock's friend.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt made sure Mouse was comfortable in her miniature service vest before scooping her up to snuggle into his sling. The trainer said that it was fine to not make her walk if there was 'foot traffic' since she was so small and she didn't seem to mind. It helped him remember that he had to let his shoulder heal and not use his arm outside of PT.

The emotional crutch was better than an actual metal one. It was past time he took his life back.

Peter had come over early to check out the status of his first official 'visit the natives' trip out and Matt was taking advantage of the outing to hopefully tie up some loose ends for his client. Peter was so much more than a client now, he was a friend - someone that Matt could trust without question and he wasn't going to fuck that up. He'd fucked up too many things in his life already to dare fucking this up.

"Ride's on the way," Peter said.

"I hope Frank doesn't have his mutt in the van, she might upset Mouse," Matt said.

"You sure you're ready for this?"

He waved his hand in an ambivalent gesture. "Mostly. Are you going to be ready to live in Queens again full time?"

Peter hesitated but Matt needed to have this conversation now and not put it off. He carefully scritched Mouse between the ears and passed her to him. "I couldn't have done any of this without you, Peter."

"You wouldn't need to if it wasn't for me," Peter muttered, but showered the pup with attention.

"Not true - you know this isn't the first time I've almost gotten killed fighting guys above my pay grade," Matt replied. "It was my choice to get involved, mine. You did all the right things and shit still went wrong - that's life, luck, karma, whatever but it's not your fault that I got hurt. You asked for help and together we saved the city."

Peter sighed.

"I didn't ask for help when I needed it, Peter," Matt said. "I've never figured out how to get past my pride, my own mental issues to - to reach out when I was falling. That's my lesson to learn and it's going to take me - an indeterminate amount of time to follow through on it."

Peter placed Mouse back in his sling.

"I'm alive for more than one reason. I'm more than just my fists and my rage," Matt said.

Mouse licked his chin in support.

"You can still do a lot of good as Matt Murdock," Peter said. "We're always going to want you around more than your alter ego, he's a shitty conversationalist."

"It's a work in progress, but - just because you won't be required to keep overnight watch anymore - "

"I wasn't 'required'," Peter cut him off. "And it wasn't 100% out of guilt either, before you go there. I've been balancing school and freelance work and getting four hours of sleep - it wasn't a one-way arrangement."

Mouse whined and Matt smoothed her fur. "She considers you part of the pack, so she'll need regular visitation."

"You're so dramatic, you could've just said you were worried about not having me around for walkies."

He grinned and Frank honked from downstairs. "That's all you got from my soul-baring speech?"

Peter hugged him fiercely. "Totally. Let's go."

"I've received some interesting calls now that I have my phone back. I've invited a prospective client to join us in the park," Matt said.

Peter groaned. "It's Barton, isn't it?"

"You gotta deal with it, Pete."

"Can I have Mouse when I do it?"

Matt took his arm to start the paced walk to the van. "We'll see how it goes."

* * *

Frank's dog *adored* Matt so Mouse declared her an enemy and refused to let her come within petting distance inside or outside of the van. Frank was slightly terrified of her size compared to his boots and insisted Matt keep her in the sling.

Peter wasn't sure how he felt about The Punisher and Matt hadn't volunteered much information other than he was an ally *most* of the time. Murder was acceptable to most in wartime and from what he could tell, Frank Castle would always be at war.

He kept his distance, hanging back with Karen who seemed to know Frank very well, while Matt said his hellos to Theo and the mingling customers at Nelson Meats. Matt seemed steady on his feet but Sister Maggie made sure that his hand stayed firmly on her arm and between her glare and Mouse's bark - everyone kept a safe distance.

Matt didn't even argue when Sister Maggie steered him pointedly away from the Daredevil shrine on the short trek to the park.

Peter had scratched up the trip as a successful test until he spotted Hawkeye hovering at the edge of the picnic area feeding fries to a scraggly mutt of his own.

"He's not an issue," Matt said to Frank behind him.

"For you or the kid?" Frank grumbled.

"He's requesting legal advice and I need more paying clients if I'm ever going to get out from under Danny Rand's thumb," Matt said.

Sister Maggie snorted. "He paid your rent as retainer to your firm for representation, Matthew."

"That's between me and Foggy, then, and I'll definitely be bringing it up," Matt replied after a beat. Maybe Peter would send Foggy a warning text on that.

"Go have lunch with your Mom, I'll handle Barton and Mouse until you're ready for him," Peter said. Matt passed the dog to him, letting her free of the tiny jacket and giving him the leash. Matt stole a few pats for Frank's dog while Mouse was out of sight before Maggie guided him away.

Barton greeted him warily when he sat down at his table with his impressive sandwich. Theo made the best sandwiches.

"I'm just here to see the lawyer," Clint said.

"He told me, but he hinted that I should be nicer to you," Peter admitted. "Just in case we end up working together in the future. I appreciate that you said you would have helped if you'd been around."

Clint nodded. "I meant it. We're all just - trying to help where we can, when we can but - it's hard to manage now most of our first-stringers are - off the roster."

Yeah.

"I couldn't have helped you with the court stuff, but with new laws getting put on the books everywhere, I'm under direct orders from the significant other to beg Murdock for a spot under his umbrella."

"He'll probably pass you off to Foggy if you're not a full time state resident," Peter warned, offering some scraps of his sandwich to Mouse and maybe a couple of bits for Clint's dog. She didn't seem to mind him since she was off duty and he wasn't expressing any interest in Matt.

"Doesn't matter to me, just want to have my papers in order next time I get dropped on the Raft," Clint shrugged.

Peter shivered involuntarily at the thought.

Matt hobbled over to their table while Sister Maggie and Frank cleaned up their space and shooed off the curious locals. His fatigue was showing but Peter knew Sister Maggie was keeping track of his time upright and on his feet. He sat down before reaching for Mouse to check her after her time out of his reach.

"Everyone getting along?" Matt asked.

"He didn't bring up the Avengers yet, but I think I've made my decision for whose team I'll be amicable as backup on," Peter announced.

Clint perked up but Matt could read him better than anyone with eyes and waited expectantly.

"I think Scott's my pick. He's got a kid my age so he won't pull me in unless it's something I absolutely need to miss class over," Peter said. Matt raised his fist to bump in solidarity and Clint threw up both hands in frustration.

"Seriously?"

Peter smiled. "Cassie friended me on Facebook when I was on house arrest."

"I thought we decided that was totally unsafe and not secure," Matt said.

Peter snickered. "That was the Snapchat and we totally deleted it."

"Totally," Matt muttered. Mouse wagged her tiny tail in approval.

"Murdock. It's real good to see you on your feet," Clint said, holding out his hand. Matt took it and shook if firmly.

"It's a work in progress, but I've got a lot of friends on my side," Matt said.

_never feel guilty for starting again_

_\- rupi kaur_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through this!!

**Author's Note:**

> ([tumblr](https://wrtng-thngs-nd-stff.tumblr.com/))


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